BLOGGIE,

Today, the more I felt that he does not seem to be that enthusiastic in messaging me. 7pm after I replied "Yes yes takin le!" to his "HAD your dinner?" , I thought I would receive a praise or any other reply, but none.
SO i guess he's probably caught up in dinner and gatherings, that's why wasnt appropriate to reply.

Waited till 10 plus, finally a reply, but sadly, it was already a message thats asking me to "grant" him to sleep...

That first moment, I felt anger, after so many hours of waiting, he has actually prepared himself to sleep, it seemed that the past few hours even moments before he thought of sleeping, he didnt think of me..

Didnt want to reply him, but I still do, keeping my calm, and asking him with a little sarcasm, "oh u r home le ar."

Brain telling me not to feel surprise if he didnt reply.

He did, and admit that he's actually home since 7.. I dont know if he knew why I ask that. I wonder do he know I am waiting for him..

Upset i am, that he's home all these while and nothing, no message from him. At this time, mind starts to think wild, trying to think why didnt he think of me. or was it on purpose? or he just dont feel like doing so.. cant find a good excuse for him..

Really feel like shutting him out of my mind for long..

After what feels like a long moment to me, I still replied him, "u nv used to dun msg me.. wads goin on recently o?"

Yes, months ago, I would go straight into emotionally-breakdown mindset that he dont like me anymore and I would choose to not reply him, or act nothing happened and say nights....... or got angry and say "ORH.. fine.. go enjoy your sleep then"

I still do think of the reason that he dont like me much now. =(

But I learned from him, "to ask, dont assume" - so thats how I tried to ask him instead of me flaring up due to my own stupid thoughts..

His Reply "Hmm... cos you studying? Cos you could dont message so I trying to not message?"

My Last Reply "Try fer wad.. cos i studying so u leave me alone.. tinkin all e tm where are u, why so cold?... how to study? nvm bar.. msg only if u wan to bar.. nights"

His Last Reply "Cos u hav ppl calling you every night.... or maybe just used to... now I nt sure... nights..."

I dont know if he's telling the truth.. If those are the reasons why.. I see reflections of myself.. where is he?

I have been the one expressing my emotions about him messaging so many people so frequently, emailing his ex-crush instead of emailing me. Not that he did any changes cos of me..

Due to that, I have been trying to balance my life by engaging and putting effort into my r/s with others. Alright, I must say, I never initiate to contact anyone of them, but probably the only difference is to reply a little more.

He has always knew I prefer and enjoyed speaking on phone than through messages. And he had explicitly told me off couple of times he disliked that and dont want to do so. =(

And I have made countless of tries and confirmations to know that he "dont mind" how I engage with others!
He had "truthfully" answered "okay ar" when I asked if he's okay with it. That's how I started ranting to him and others how he "dont care" about me?

Now, all the sudden he uses this "other people have been calling me" as a reason for him not contacting me, seem a bit far-fetched.

It is so UNFAIR!!! He taught me how to ask before assuming, why didnt he try to ask or express to me before making that unfair decision!

He didnt give me a CHANCE, and he sentenced me by cutting away his love... for the SECOND time!

Say who's putting on mask now? ...... =(

I just want to hao hao ai ta.. and be shared and involved in his daily stuffs and rantings.. why is it so difficult..

I am trying to train my emotions nowadays.. hoping I can get more patience and wisdom.. I need his help still! I cant succeed with him letting go every second..

Somehow I suddenly felt he does like me, thats why he is affected with me getting calls from others. And with this, I felt that we still have possibilities.. Once again, and yet so easily, I am filled with hope... =)

*hope WE can make it right again~*